I am here because I do not want to ever regret in the future for not spending quality time with mom & dad and esp grandma. And i hv managed to spend the last 1.5 year with my beloved old old doggies before they passed away earlier this year which was really devastating.
I have changed the way I dress, the way I talk... somehow I do not feel like myself. And constantly hypnotising/convincing myself to belive that I do not miss it in Adelaide. Yeah, its bitter to admit that, its pathetic.
This is the path that I have chosen, this was the decision i have made which I do not regret at all. Even one part of me.. most part of me has been left behind in Adelaide. On the way home today, almost.. everyday on my way home, i'll think of my doggies that have gone to heaven, then doggies in Adelaide.. my triple Ms, and then my doggies at home then I fall into the emotion trap again and then the sobbing starts... yes, am such a drama queen.. sadly.
And then i need the 'me-time' with Bobby, Baileys & spastic Coffee. Baileys is super hyper-active, just exactly like Meeko when she's young. Need not to say cos she's a half Lab. Then i'll start making a paperbox toy for Baileys and Coffee or run around like a mad woman with them. And this has become my everyday routine provided I'm not too exhausted from work.
Sadly, Bobby's been diagnosed with an early stage cancer. Vet found a cancerous pin point tumour in him. He's had his 3rd chemo last month. Mom's been calling me crazy for spending most of my money on the doggies. Esp for Baileys when I picked her up from the street.
When my doggies left for heaven, for once in my life, i hope that i have not have any conscience or sympathy for dogs in me... I'm doing all I can to have Bobby healthy again. How i wish i were a vet.. that was my ambition. Maybe its good that I'm not? If i were really a vet... will the passion been driven away since i have to do it as a job... which applies the same on my music career.
Don't.. Don't even go there...
Its the 4th month i'm back in this company. Ppl come & go.. there're certain things/ppl that're still the same... there're certain things/ ppl that hve changed & derived. I'm doing my best and I always give my best at work. I thought I am old/mature enuff to pull it thru wit ppl's attitude. And I do believe myself as a people-person that will never ever dislike anyone, at work esp. My philosophy is to always be nice and ppl'll eventually treat u the same way, well, most of the time at least.. There're times that i feel unfair & frustrated... i told myself, this's life. life stuff. the funny thing is, my work is almost my life... it is just soo different from how it used to be.
remember when i was working back then, the sweet escape from my music career.. working full time as a so called fashion retail consultant.. after work i will go to the market and shop for food & all.. drive home or get picked up by bee.. then prepare the dinner for us and the doggies.. dishes - tv - walk the dogs.. s'times drinks/dinner wit friends... or some play/shows in town..
weekend.. drinks/dvd marathon on fri/sat nite..oh ya, worked in a bar/club for a while..on fri/sat nites..
sat/sunday will be some outing wit the gals or brekkies/coffee... (when i need not to work) or the sunday market or dog show or picnic.. u name it.. dogs outting.. when i actually live a life.
This feeling will eventually go away after a while, then it'll come back again outta no where and the cycle begins again.
There’s a clarity thing when you cross over the edge. There’s a moment when everything just melts away and you’re fearless.
Bravo for my 1st blog post in at least 6 months!
Tmr is another brand new day.
