Life is messy. That's how we're made

From Grey's Anatomy, Meredith: "A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

Fear?! mistakes.. aint all those what we all go thru almost every single day in our lives?

My emo rollercoaster is killing me softly.

Stress from work? I guess so. Thought i could've handled the stress better.

Anti-social? Most probably. I had no where to go tonite. I could've gone to Putrajaya for tonite's event. The thought of driving so far.... in the end, i gave up the thought.

Go coffee with friends? Dunno who to call. I do have a few friends that i should catch up with. The usual gang? WHO? thats the moment i realised that i don't have an 'usual gang' of friends here in KL. My usual gang is my workmate?! I guess so. so sad, sob sob.

2 weeks ago, someone left a new born pup infront of the house. She's one of the cutest things on earth. how could someone just abandoned her? check out the pics.

There've been a few roadkills of strays lately.. my heart grieves every single time. I guess I can't save all the dogs in the world..sigh..

Think harder, we human are the intruders from decades ago, destroying the animals habitat and build our homes.. slaughtering them as our food.... when i wanna make myself feel better, i tell myself thats the 'food-chain'.. but somehow i wonder is there any conscience in others?! Has something gone wrong with our educational system that they're still not enough love in us to at least treat the dogs/cats a little nicer? As in not kicking them out and let them turn into strays and wander on the street then get run over by cars?

The current 4 canines at KL home are strays that we have picked up over the years.
This morning Ping saw a 'LOST dog' notice in the paper, then she began telling me the accident that had happened to her sis in law's pug. Then I couldnt help it... i thought i have buried it in the least noticeable corner in my heart.. my poor Geno. I have lost her since 2.5 years ago.. i guess... every single time when my imagination goes haywire, i couldnt stop thinking that she's been run over... been slaughtered... been tortured... abused... then i thought of my Dudu and darling Daken. The moment i had to put Daken to sleep... broke me into pieces. I was soo helpless, i didnt know wat to do before and after she passed. She had a seizure and stroke ... she's my darling, my baby... and i couldnt see her suffer but i didnt wanna let her go. but i know i had to.

The last night before Dudu passed away... I was spending all night with him looking after him.. he struggled a few times trying to get up and wandered here n there. And i laid him down again on his bed. The moment i went to my room for shower to get ready for work, the maid Ani knocked on my door and told me that Dudu has passed away. When the vet sent someone to pick up Dudu for cremation, he told me that dogs usually dont let the owners see them pass.. the thought of him being so considerate.. i miss him even more and my tears were boiling in my eyes. He's my very first dog, had him since i was 10.

All dogs go to heaven. They're in a better place now.


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Another quote from Meredith: "At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. "

Boundaries. Exactly how important it means to everything in our lives? Work? Relationship?

I guess i'm kinda in a little of mess tonite. Y? guess the reason y is that i hve almost finished all my work.. had no where to go.. too much goin on in my mind...

thinking of stupid things. ridiculous stuff. unachievable ambition... all the dreams that seem very very far away.

relationship? when i was young, i used to think that i'd be one of those gals that'll get married before the age of 26, wanted to be a young mom. somehow, as time goes by, it seems further and further away. When Jing got married, there were many many, countless ppl asked me when's my wedding?
hm.. good question. when the day comes.

no weekend this week. work and work.

what does not kill me makes me stronger? or...am i already dead?

I've given up on my travel blog. not so good wt tat. oh well, the conclusion for the sg trip is tat i really appreciate the opportunity for visiting the aunties. thanks mom for bringing me meeting all the relatives in sg. been soo long. somehow it made me really miss my aunty that has passed away more than 5 years ago. aunty yangyang, vivian's mom. sigh. a woman that has the kindred spirit but the misfortune for her marriage. think of it tat way, she's in a better place now.

yeah, i've been crying since yesterday. what the heck is wrong with me? Blame it on the rainy season. i thought i'm alwayz the happy bunny that has nothing to worry about. maybe i'm expecting too much from myself?

the very last time, i broke down and cried was the day when i decided to leave Adelaide and had the very serious nervous breakdown. sigh. things we do when we're young. Being young's not an excuse, truly understand that.

when i collapse, the song that alwayz comfort me is Christina's "The Voice Within".

Young girl don’t cryI’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alrightYour tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly
When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explainOf the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Young girl don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight soon you’re gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul
Life is a journey it can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning you’ll find all you’ll ever need to know(be strong)
You’ll break it(hold on)
You’ll make it
Just don’t forsake it because no one can tell you what you can’t do
No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you

Sg trip 1st part

Its actually been more than 2 weeks since my trip to SG.

Below's wat i've done and places that i went to in SG.

Day 1: 2 Oct 2008 (Thursday)
The coach to SG via Aeroline was not too bad. Still, I suffer from motion sickness when i'm not the driver, so i took 2 tablets of the Valerian Forte and knocked out after i had the coach meal. The TV was playing and the lights was on for quite some time. and stupid me forgot to charge my iPod so the battery ran out fairly quickly. Lucky lucky luckily i had my never-fail SE-K850i and i was smart enuff to bring the handsfree headphone.

Around mid-night mom and I arrived in Singapore, where the new casinos are being built. Mom's best fren, Aunt Mu Lan came with her husband Uncle Lai to pick us up. Mom and Aunt Mu Lan really 'hyper-active', they wanted supper.i was nearly half dead after the coach trip.

The old folks were really 'out-going'. lolz.
And obviously after the food i was falling asleep and bored. haha.

During our trip in Singapore, we stayed at Aunt Mu Lan's house at River Valley, which is a very nice and cosy suburb. Sadly, i did not manage to take photos of the residence.

Day 2: 2 October 2008 (Friday)

Morning: Breakfast at the Market Street Food Court

After breakfast we went to Stand Chart and did some serious stuff lolz which tooooook fooooor-eeee-v-eeeeeeer.

This's mom and Aunt Mu Lan getting the directions for the relatives visit for us.

And, i was so excited seeing the 'Keppel' buildings in Raffles Place, as this is the shipping company where Keshav used to work at.

Then we walked to the raffles place mrt station, to catch the mrt to..oops, i forgot.

Continue tmr. lolz.

BACK!!!

am back from Singapore and back to work.

1st day of work after the holidayz wasnt as bad. even my bio-clock is still bit messed up.

will photo blog tmr for Sg trip.