Life is messy. That's how we're made

From Grey's Anatomy, Meredith: "A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

Fear?! mistakes.. aint all those what we all go thru almost every single day in our lives?

My emo rollercoaster is killing me softly.

Stress from work? I guess so. Thought i could've handled the stress better.

Anti-social? Most probably. I had no where to go tonite. I could've gone to Putrajaya for tonite's event. The thought of driving so far.... in the end, i gave up the thought.

Go coffee with friends? Dunno who to call. I do have a few friends that i should catch up with. The usual gang? WHO? thats the moment i realised that i don't have an 'usual gang' of friends here in KL. My usual gang is my workmate?! I guess so. so sad, sob sob.

2 weeks ago, someone left a new born pup infront of the house. She's one of the cutest things on earth. how could someone just abandoned her? check out the pics.

There've been a few roadkills of strays lately.. my heart grieves every single time. I guess I can't save all the dogs in the world..sigh..

Think harder, we human are the intruders from decades ago, destroying the animals habitat and build our homes.. slaughtering them as our food.... when i wanna make myself feel better, i tell myself thats the 'food-chain'.. but somehow i wonder is there any conscience in others?! Has something gone wrong with our educational system that they're still not enough love in us to at least treat the dogs/cats a little nicer? As in not kicking them out and let them turn into strays and wander on the street then get run over by cars?

The current 4 canines at KL home are strays that we have picked up over the years.
This morning Ping saw a 'LOST dog' notice in the paper, then she began telling me the accident that had happened to her sis in law's pug. Then I couldnt help it... i thought i have buried it in the least noticeable corner in my heart.. my poor Geno. I have lost her since 2.5 years ago.. i guess... every single time when my imagination goes haywire, i couldnt stop thinking that she's been run over... been slaughtered... been tortured... abused... then i thought of my Dudu and darling Daken. The moment i had to put Daken to sleep... broke me into pieces. I was soo helpless, i didnt know wat to do before and after she passed. She had a seizure and stroke ... she's my darling, my baby... and i couldnt see her suffer but i didnt wanna let her go. but i know i had to.

The last night before Dudu passed away... I was spending all night with him looking after him.. he struggled a few times trying to get up and wandered here n there. And i laid him down again on his bed. The moment i went to my room for shower to get ready for work, the maid Ani knocked on my door and told me that Dudu has passed away. When the vet sent someone to pick up Dudu for cremation, he told me that dogs usually dont let the owners see them pass.. the thought of him being so considerate.. i miss him even more and my tears were boiling in my eyes. He's my very first dog, had him since i was 10.

All dogs go to heaven. They're in a better place now.


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Another quote from Meredith: "At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. "

Boundaries. Exactly how important it means to everything in our lives? Work? Relationship?

I guess i'm kinda in a little of mess tonite. Y? guess the reason y is that i hve almost finished all my work.. had no where to go.. too much goin on in my mind...

thinking of stupid things. ridiculous stuff. unachievable ambition... all the dreams that seem very very far away.

relationship? when i was young, i used to think that i'd be one of those gals that'll get married before the age of 26, wanted to be a young mom. somehow, as time goes by, it seems further and further away. When Jing got married, there were many many, countless ppl asked me when's my wedding?
hm.. good question. when the day comes.

no weekend this week. work and work.