Desperate Housewives Season 5 Finale

Yeah i know i'm heaps slow. I just finished Desperate Housewives Season 5 Finale. If you haven't watched it and u're planning to watch, dont read what i'm gonna write, cos its ultimate spoiler.

I'm so grateful to the producers n the people who've made the show. It's been some sort of painkillers and healer for me throughout the last 5 years. At least it cheered me up.. always makes me feel that i'm (still) just another woman that has all the crazy insane thoughts and emotions who sometimes drive people around me crazy.. and of course.. drive myself crazy somehow.Don't you just hate it when they don't reveal who the bride is at the end of the show?! I so hope its Susan. And then i become an ultimate freak again, trying to google it and went on all the spoilers and desperate housewives forums.. lol.I love susan and mike together. They're the best together. Gaby n Carlos are funny.. hm.. i think my personality is a cross between all 5 of them. Lynette-Gabrille-Susan-Bree-Edie. Sadly, i've always thought of Katherine as an 'outsider' and not part of them. Cos i dont like her being wt mike. Gaby is my fav cos she's rebelious & extreme. I like susan cos she is so clumsy n stupid somehow.. hehe.. abit of resemblance there. lol.. and Lynette cos she's a fighter, she is always so strong and i love her alot cos she has my ideal kids combination arrangement lol.. 3 sons (2 of 'em are twins) and the youngest is the daughter. I've always dreamed of having 3 sons then the daughter being the youngest. So when i first saw the show 5 years ago, i was like.. the producers copied me! hahaha. And that was one of the reasons that got me hooked on the show. And edie. She's a Wh*** in the show. but to ensure that she gets what she gets, she'll do anything in the world to make sure she gets it. I cried when edie died. I really liked her cos she's so funny. All the cat fights she had wt all the other girls.. and she has such a dramatic life... aiks...Bree.. somehow she's my least favourite, cos she's a little toooooo extreeeemme and crazy. she is always sooo organised.. i do somehow said a little prayer of me being like her. hehe.. and she's the one i think bout the most when i try to de-clutter my tsunami room and house when i was back in adelaide. Katherine.. i dont really pay attention on her except for the case that she was involved long ago.. which i dont really remember.

After i finished the finale tonite, i had the rush to watch the whole series all over again. In fact, i love the show, cos its one of the eng series that bee n i actually follow together. and she having more of the chinese elements, dont really watch many of the eng series, and i had nobody to share the gossips n talks of the show wt. thank god wenhui watches it too hehehe.

sex n the city vs. desperate housewives. i love both of them. its different. it somehow got me thinking, when i'm older, i'll be like aunt mable. the story: when we go out coffee or hang out wt aunt mable, s'times outta nowhere she will tell us that she needs to rush home or she'll call her lovely husband, bill or damien her nephew, our friend.. to tape the show for her.. as the tv shows the 'bold and beautiful' every weekday afternoon. Then she'll start telling us thats the show she used to watch when she was younger... hm... that probably gonna be me in like 10-20 years time... asking my kid to tape 'desperate housewives' or sex n the city.. hm.. NO, cos i have the dvds.. and tape recorders will not even exist anymore.

I'm happy the show has taken away my monday blues.. or can i actually call it 'weekend blues'. I love n hate weekends. Love it cos i finally get to rest. hate it cos its too short.. and weekends are boring for me here cos i dont get to do what i love to do. oh well.

Ok.. according to wikipedia, there will be Desperate Housewives season 6. And this is what i just found, and i'm thrilled. hehehe

ABC confirmed a sixth season on 24th April 2009. The first episode of the season will air Sunday, September 27th at 9pm. ABC released the season's general synopses at their 2009-2010 television season press conference on May 19:

"Susan (Teri Hatcher) and Mike (James Denton) are brought together by their worst fears; Lynette's (Felicity Huffman) unexpected pregnancy tests her family; as Bree's (Marcia Cross) marriage dissolves, she finds herself in the arms of another man; Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) is in for a surprise when she and Carlos (Ricardo Antonio Chavira) welcome their niece, Ana (Maiara Walsh), into their home; and Katherine (Dana Delany) struggles over the thought of losing Mike"....

I hope they wont change what i just read and posted here.. cos i sooo love Susan and Mike being together!! Oh, did i mention earlier, Lynette is pregnant wt twins.. again! I dont like Ana even she's pretty.. but she gives me the creep. just like lynette's step daughter from the last season.

Ok.. i miss wisteria lane.. already.. not that i've been there.. u know.. haha..

darker & darker.. save me from myself...

Thank God, its Friday... thank God its Saturday... and Sunday now.. really.

Woke up being very depressed today, for no reason. I'm just really tired.. real tired. I just wanna do what i like to do, on the weekend.. taking the dogs up into the hills or waterfalls...shopping... wander around the mall..looking at all my fav stuff... oops.. i'm in KL. wat is it wt me that i'm taking so long to settle n to be happy for once on the weekends. Shopping spree usually takes away my unhappiness.. or tiding up.. unfortunately.. i can't afford to shop here... and i absolutely have no motivation to tidy up my room in KL. Don't ask me why....

Went korean bbq wt sib. it was good to hang out wt sib, at least got me outta the couch. n drop by at roshan's for a short while wt sib. And then had a stupid argument wt sayang. i know its my fault for disturbing him on purpose. and now.. here i am mourning about it again. Then i started crying.. not becos of the argument.. just crying n crying.. over nothing.

On the way home, i had those crazy scary thoughts again.. what if i just suddenly vanish.. n buy myself a ticket tonite n leave for adelaide tmr.. oh, they dont fly on sunday.. aw..

Then some stupid cars were racing n almost hit on my car... then i started thinking.. what if they crash into me n i just die. isnt it easier? tats the most selfish one could ever be.. and then mom n dad would be sad... then doggies have no one to love n care anymore.... then i started scolding myself for even having that insane thought crossing my mind. too many ppl out there fighting for their lives.

Furry Friends Farm trip has been postponed again. I needed help cos I just din want to get lost again. I hate being lost... i get very worried n scared, not knowing where i am.. Then i started thinking, if i could find my way all the way to RSPCA in South Australia.. I can do the same for FFF. I've looked up the map on google.. i dont even know which freeway is which.. nvm i'll ask peng when i c him during the week. s'times, i really hate myself for having so much sympathy for the doggies esp when the Pulau selat kering incident don't seem to bother almost everyone around me.. then i thought.. y can't i be like them? then i wont be as unhappy or heartbroken, tearing over every dog's photo posted on TV Smith's blog. God has given me the love for dogs as a gift. I should treasure it and seriously do something about it.

I know i'm already in the pms days.. i wish i dont have to go thru it again. when i come to think of it.. i cry almost everytime during pms. it is getting more n more significant especially after 1 whole week of stress from work..

sib asked me whether i'm ready to move forward to our next stage of life.. i actually said i'm. Does this happen to many girls? after we get so exhausted n frustrated from work.. we'll just start thinking of the 'm' word, then i realised that i'm not ready to move forward. its too complicated. then i fall into the phobia i've always had again. then i started to step back.. and then falling deeper into the darker side of me. what i hate about relationship? i hate the fact that everything is so sweet n perfect at the beginning of it.. then it will just gradually die off... and it takes me a very long time to adjust on the changes of the person and the situation and the emotions.. then i become haywire. i guess i dont hate the relationship.. i just hate myself....hating my ownself being so pathetic all the time, hate myself for not being able to be happy being in KL... being in my job.. hating myself not staying home n got mom worried.... hating myself being pissed off at bro in law for urgin me home cos my poor dog was chained.. cos i usually wait up for him n sis when they're out.. but they can't do the same for me... so i hate myself for being calculative.. hate myself for not spending enuff time wt baileys.. hate myself for being in KL, not spending time wt my beloved meeko.. then i start crying, cos i miss her soooo soo much. hating myself for worrying that i dont get to see her again.. hate myself for making myself losing my dignity.. hate myself for making sayang angry.. i just don't like being me... ppl around me always think that i'm a confident person.. but i'm not. at. all. hate myself for loving to torture my emotions.. hate myself for being a different person being in KL.. hate myself for being anti-social and not having many friends here.. hate myself for being a cry baby.. hate myself always feeling sorry for myself... please, save me from myself.

"Save me from myself" by Christina Aguilera

It's not so easy loving me

It gets so complicated

All the things you gotta be

Everything's changing

But you're the truth

I'm amazed by all your patience

Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall

Somehow you're always waiting

with Your open arms to catch me

You're gonna save me from myself

From myself, yes

You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch

Well some guys have shown me aces

But you've got that royal flush

I know it's crazy everyday

Well tomorrow may be shaky

But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying

'Cause when I start to crumble

You know how to keep me smiling

You always save me from myself

From myself, myself

You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard

But you've broken all my walls

You've been my strength, so strong

And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness

Is what I need to make me

A better woman to myself

To myself, myself

You're gonna save me from myself

ICU - intensive care unit

If I were a boy even just for a day

I'd roll out of bed in the morning

and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls

I'd kick it with who I wanted and

I'd never get confronted for it

cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boyI would turn off my phone

Tell everyone it's broken

so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first

and make the rules as I go

Cause I know that she’ll be faithful

waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boyI think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back

Say it's just a mistake

think i'd forgive you like that

If you thought I would wait for you

you thought wrong

But you're just a boy

You don't understandand

you don't understand

How it feels to love a girl

Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts

Until you lose the one you wanted

Cause you're taking her for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

Emo - freak I am, strange I am

http://www.mycen.com.my/rescue/updates.html

Kuning is back at the fishfarm! I feel ashamed of myself not being at the island with the small group of volunteers, struggling to help the doggies. Everyday before i go to sleep, i blame myself for not doing anything. i felt stupid, not knowing how to dive.. i wish i were more brave.. with more guts... then another voice in my head, says to me 'instead of lamenting, y dont u do s'thing about it?!' then.. my mind just stops there.... having no decision.. no further 'discussion' between the voices.. after a while, i'll just comfort myself.. i'll donate when my pay comes... which is NOT good enuff. its amazing, the love in people for dogs is so limited here... when i was reading one of the female dog rescuer's blog, (my apology that i dont remember which heroine..) about her meeting this lady at pulau ketam, telling the that ''i heard that the dogs are eating each other on the island-pulau selat kering''.. i felt how the author was feeling.. it is just so pathetic how cold-blooded our own kind is. And then i finally read in the paper, that the media is reporting the very tough mission all FFF volunteers are going through. From TV Smith's blog, it is shocked to learn the truth that they're getting back-stabbed. blame me.. for not knowing the local society well enuff... it really got me scratching my head... who are the people that wanna back stab all the dog rescuers? i'm not being naive or living in my perfect world.. ('perfect world': sayang's words.. =p) i seriously want to know. anyone?

The inconvenient truth.. there're always bad apples? it somehow got me into thinking.. which i always have been thinking.. 'Why are there bad people?", "who am i to judge?"... then it made me realise that i've been very far far away from God's teaching.. I have not read the bible for 2 years. My mind is everywhere... i just cannot accept the evil side of human... especially when i know that its happening in my country... and surprisingly, the government just decided to be 'out of sight, out of mind'. I'm very sad. and lost. where is our values?

I've always have this emo moments now n then. when i can't handle all the bad things which are happening all around the world... all the disasters .... all the sickening incidents....

i know.. i need guidance.

i'm trying my best not to think. but just recall and sink into the nice and sweet weekend that i just had wt sayang.

missing mommy n daddy. Hope they're enjoying themselves on their vacation.

i'm so slack. i promised jing that i'll glue down the jigsaw puzzle that i've completed, MONTHS ago... and i did nothing.. i'll do it tmr..

Missing bee. she's comin bk soon, in 3 weeks time. its just somehow different, spending time wt bee in KL. i felt kinda weird when she came bk last august for jing's wedding. y weird? cos we're not in adelaide. we're in the land that we used to call home, but just not familiar with all the places and people, except for our family n the house we stay in. I guess its becos mom used to be very strict to us when we were at school, we dont get to go to many places, just school - home. mom n dad being very protective, we seldom go to places, even with friends. and we were being sent to aus once we finished school... i'm back in town for more than 2 years now... and yet i dont feel settled. friends told me cos my heart refuses to. i guess so.

work. i'm in the dilemma again. s'times i love my job. s'times i hate it. then i started blaming myself for actually listened to what my friends have to say. they told me, my family does not need me to take the burden. i do not need my current job.. lol. the words were nice to hear. its maybe becos, we have a few similar family background galfrends who do not earn a living. its not something bad at all. if i put it in a different way. some might look down on them, for not working, some might think they're just lucky, precious girls.

i am done bragging... my mind is all over the place tonight. weirdo. freak i am.