Sooo tired

Sooo tired. My life is almost about procrastinating. 'I'm not lazy, just happy doing nothing...' that's how I feel everyday. Somehow I feel really unproductive and useless. I did manage to tidy up for couple hours last night and that took all of my energy away.

The new job, Yamaha Music teacher, the lesson planning is sooo exhausting. I know this is the struggle I have to go thru at the beginning. Memorizing the lyrics seems soo hard these days, is that the 'baby brain' that people always been talking about?
I reckon so. Music Wonderland is the 3-year old class and Junior Music Course is the 4-5 year old class. So much to do in the Music Wonderland class... story telling, acting, singing, props... My prop for the first lesson tomorrow is my piglet. Haha, all the ex boy friends pressies suddenly became handy. I have to do the Pony song with piglet on my lap in a chair while my legs rocking & galloping WITH story telling!

I do enjoy it very much, to be honest. Maybe I'll enjoy it more when I don't have to worry about my dishes... the mess around the house. So I gave up and called up a cleaning company today. They'll clean for me next Wednesday then fortnightly. I'll do the tiding up.. not the cleaning anymore. My body is telling me I can't do them all anymore!

Moomoo is still missing, sadly. I'm trying to be happy and optimistic about it. But when the negative thought strikes me, I do miss her so bad that I want to cry. But i know its not good for baby. So I convince myself to believe that Moomoo is enjoying the heater at another loving owner's house.

Meeko is very sad and depressed still. Especially now that Max is not around anymore. She will lie soo close to my feet whereever I am around the house. She didnt use to care n will just enjoy her nap in her bed. After the 1 hour walk/run for her today she is happy and sleeps in her bed all night. Afterall, she's already 10+. I want to have all my doggies forever, but one day they'll go to the better place and all dogs go to heaven. And so I'll try my best to give her the best when she is still around. And I have to make sure the balance between baby and Meeko when baby arrives. Will need help from hubby. I really don't want Meeko to go into another depression when baby arrives. So we have to start the prep training soon.

I'm so tired of cooking n washing up. Speaking of which, the laksa dishes are still in the sink. sigh. I hate overnight dishes. but i was so anxious in the lesson planning, i spent like 4 hours preparing for the 2 lessons tomorrow. :( I know it'll get faster n better.

So many things in my mind... so much to do.. never ending... and the wedding is coming up! I want to be superwoman again! Now the superwoman has to take it at her pace.

Baby? I can't really feel much about baby still. After the flight to-fro Melbourne, tummy was bloated like a giant ball, scary, i was literally shocked n scared!

Carol is happily married to Jason. Mrs Lee now, happy for her. On her wedding day, my tummy was 'on the top of the world'! Sayang n I reckoned baby wants attention lol. Luckily after replenishing the fluids and sleep, tummy has gone back to normal size. :) I wish I could feel more of baby.. kickings... movements... but still not yet. Looking forward to the ultrasound and really hope baby is safe and sound. The paranoid feeling is still here, 'is baby still in there?' this question pops in my mind more than 10 times a day! God bless baby.

Tupperware party. Sumhow, I dislike the defensive feelings from some of the girls. If you don't want it, just shut up.. and not give me the kinda look. Yes, i'm speaking of this particular person. I sumhow drifting away from a group of galfriends. The negative feeling is soo strong. They're constantly not happy about this about that... complaining, bitching, gossiping... why can't they just open their eyes and be happy for once?! The world is beautiful. Everyone has their beauty in them, y can't they see it? Everything happens for a reason. If we have to go thru it, just suck it up and go thru it strongly. Sayang always tells me, no matter how much I complain, I still have to go thru it. SO just be happy and go with the flow. Hope sayang can do that too. Hehe. From then, i cut down my complaints.. but i just can't help it, i always have endless stories to tell him. never ending, it became a nuisance somehow? haha. I guess i'm just lonely now and then and missing him like crazy.

We're gonna live like actual married couple very soon. I'm very excited but sumhow worry at the same time. I know we both can go thru it. Just a weird feeling. He'll be soo new to Adelaide and this is the town that I've been staying for so many years. New friends, new environment, no parents, no kakak. Just the 2 of us.. ooh, and baby tigger and Meeko. So makes 4 of us. *giggle*

My anxiety has never changed since young. Previously, it'll be hard for me to sleep on Sunday nights, cos i'm so excited about Monday. And whenever I have something important/big to do the nxt day, I can't sleep. Just like tonight again. sigh. Can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

Let's kiss good night to the beautiful world. And thank you God for blessing us for another beautiful day.