Foolish me foolish life

I feel like a fool. Feel like an idiot.

All I can think of is to give birth and die from labour. So i no longer have to put up with all these crap.

I'm so tired.. physically and mentally. My body cannot cope the work at Yamaha. But I have to. To keep the job. I'm so exhausted when I get home from work, even its just 2 hours plus. And then I'll have to cook dinner... can't eat take out cos its bad for baby... ... ...

Busy weekend...
Saturday is always my nightmare. This weekend is even worse. I dunno how to say NO to Auntie Mable about the Tupperware party. I hate it when people are pushy. But she's being nice. And we need the money.

Sunday is even more terrible. Yamaha showcase. And i have to be there at 9am.. then after the kids play.. i'll have to teach Sunny and Annabel... then go back to the showcase again.. then driving assessment.

The driving instructor is pushy.. if i had a choice, i dont want to do the assessment tomorrow or this Sunday. But he's thinking for me. I can't complain. So i'll just have to suck it up and do it. And cos i stupidly can't find the logbook for the last few months.. my fault. just hope and pray i wont be so stressed that i'll go into early labour tmr. n of cos, the argument didnt help at all.

So wats my bloody problem here? Just scared of hubby I guess. Scared of everything. When i worry for him, its not right and I'll get scolded.. when i'm scared of him, its totally wrong.

I've just been tip-toeing ard him. I'm scared to offend him when we talk bout jobs that he can look for. I get stressed out when he tells me he is not interested in this not interested in that.. he can't do this he can't do that... so I just leave it.. but stressing myself.... afterall, its his choice n being a wife i'll have to respect it. even for me i think that any jobs..anything any interviews is a good exposure and good experience...maybe not. everyone is different.

I'm not too sure whether he is 100% about the security course.. I'm afraid that I might have been pushy in this.. but I dunno wat else i could do. As i do worried about money for our family. Then i began to think that its a wrong decision to come bk to Adelaide even the medical welfare and benefits are so damn good.

Marriage is already hard enuff for everyone. For us, its even worse. As we're expecting the baby... hubby is new here in Adelaide... and we have no family here.. he's got no friends here... i've been trying my best. maybe not enuff.

S'times when he scolds me.. when he doesnt like me this doesnt like me that.. i'll just think, y doesnt he get a perfect wife.. instead of this lousy me?
maybe its a malaysian chinese culture thing. showing signs of appreciation n praising wt good words seldom happen and what we get is just picking and complaining.